Don’t Eat That Jawn

Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

JAWN – dialect – (chiefly in eastern Pennsylvania) used to refer to a thing, place, person, or event that one need not or cannot give a specific name to.

Why am I using this word? Because this is my rant about why eating fast food is bad for you. Yes, I’m sure you’ve heard a truckload of reasons you shouldn’t eat fast food. I may not be giving you a different reason, but I am going to give you a new perspective.

I call fast food a jawn because we CAN’T give a specific name to it. Is the “meat” in a Big Mac or Whopper really just beef? Is there a room in the back of the restaurant with half a cow hanging upside down next to a meat grinder? I seriously doubt it. That’s why it’s a jawn.

Is American cheese really cheese? What kind of cheese is it? Not cheddar, Swiss, mozzarella, or Asiago. The package in the store says processed cheese food. What does that mean? That’s why it’s a jawn.

If the food you eat does not spoil or go bad in 3 – 5 days, it’s not food. It’s a jawn.

So how do we not eat that jawn?

Follow this rule of thumb. If you can recognize the food in both cooked and uncooked forms, then it’s most likely food. Take mashed potatoes, for example. You can buy potato-flavored flakes in a box or you can buy a potato, wash it, bake or boil it, and then just mash the darn potato. If you want chicken nuggets, buy some chicken breast, dip it in egg wash, roll it in some dried bread crumbs, bake it, and cut it up into nuggets. Voila! You didn’t eat a jawn!

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